Loose Ends

 

Before climbing into the casket there are a few things you need to do.  

Mail a reminder card to your dentist that you are dead, stop your newspaper and bail out of that friends and family plan with your phone carrier.  Put a black armband around your mailbox.  Return all library materials, even if it is only through the outside drop box.  Pay your lawn service through the end of the year.  You don’t want to be known as, “That house”.

Mix the lime with the coconut, just to see.  Run with scissors.  If Larry jumps off a cliff, you do it too.  Bring enough for everyone.  Walk from outside right onto the gym floor with your street shoes.  Cash in all rainy-day accounts.  Resign from the Christmas Club.  Leap before looking.  Leave the cover open while striking a match.  Draw outside the lines.  Brush back and forth. Be someone else.  Skip to the last page of your book.  Act someone else’s age.  Leave your vegetables.  Stop and drop, but don’t roll.  Look one way.  Climb every other mountain.  Mind only your P’s.  Put an E before an I.  Remain seated and don’t be counted.  Leave an odd number of car lengths between you and the vehicle in front of you.  Hire a company ahead of time to decorate your house for Halloween. Talk behind someone’s back.  Leave your cell phone on in the movie theatre.  Cut in line.  Have more than 12 items.  Think inside the box.  Dispose of improperly. Drink irresponsibly.  Give till you laugh.  Follow someone else’s dream.  To thy own self – lie.  Take only photographs, leave your trash.  Stand ahead of the white line.  Never use exact change.  Chew just enough.  Stick a Q-Tip in your ear.  Use the same excuse for everything.

That's it.